Bawn descs

General discussions, named after our Out of Character gathering point in our game.

Bawn descs

Postby MyLittleTalon » Tue Jan 31, 2012 10:32 pm

I just performed a marathon session on the Bawn descriptions. If anyone spots any stupids I made, please let me (Quidnunc) know? Thanks!
Current PCs: Quidnunc * Norman * Topsy * Tristan * Quin * Charlie * Isla * MyLittleTalon (GMBot)
Former PCs: Winks * Esther * Memory-of-Talons * Petra * Barks-at-Mice * Ruth * Lucey * Fernando * Rat-Tale
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Re: Bawn descs

Postby Shell » Tue Jan 31, 2012 11:37 pm

Wow, that's a lot of work. Thanks!

Here's what I see:
Southern bawn - Repeat of the last paragraph
The southern edge of the bawn is marked here by the edges of the heavy undergrowth, and by the railroad tracks which run from St. Claire and Kent's Crossing to the west, towards the mountains to the east.

The southern edge of the bawn is marked here by the railroad tracks which run from St. Claire and Kent's Crossing to the west, towards the mountains to the east.

'An faint tenseness' should be 'A faint tenseness'

Eastern - Again the last paragraph repeats.
'all-encompasing' should be 'all-encompassing'

Northern - Last paragraph repeats
'Bramble bushes spring up here and their'... 'here and there' (facepalm moment)
Me, I'd do 'laden with exotic fruit:' instead of a dash, but that's a style thing.

Central - Last line (not paragraph, in this case) repeats
' Live is so' should be 'Life is so' (2d sentence)

Western - Last paragraph again. Must be something with the room parent? I dunno.

Foothills - Last paragraph.

(And I think I managed to talk about typos without making any myself. Gotta be a record!)
- Shelby
- Have a plot or plot seed that needs a GM? Just ask me!
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Re: Bawn descs

Postby MyLittleTalon » Wed Feb 01, 2012 7:51 am

Thanks Shell, that is very, very useful, and, uh... I'll fix it on Thursday, probably, if I don't get it done before work now.

Edit: I think I caught all those this morning. Typing this on the phone so apologies for any typing errors in this edit!
Current PCs: Quidnunc * Norman * Topsy * Tristan * Quin * Charlie * Isla * MyLittleTalon (GMBot)
Former PCs: Winks * Esther * Memory-of-Talons * Petra * Barks-at-Mice * Ruth * Lucey * Fernando * Rat-Tale
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MyLittleTalon
 
Posts: 27
Joined: Fri Jan 13, 2012 11:01 pm
Location: United Kingdom

Re: Bawn descs

Postby Shell » Wed Feb 01, 2012 12:39 pm

Whoot! And may I say I adore your icon? [/jealous]
- Shelby
- Have a plot or plot seed that needs a GM? Just ask me!
Shell
 
Posts: 19
Joined: Sat Jan 14, 2012 3:09 am


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